She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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