i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
