I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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