the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
