sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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