I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
