The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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