Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
