I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
