Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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