pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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