i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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