So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Rumble strips road head = magical
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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