im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
