have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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