last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
