Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
