I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
