Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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