Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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