I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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