woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
