I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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