Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
