oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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