Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm like, not good at living.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
