worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
