i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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