If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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