friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
