I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
