It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
