Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
