I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
