Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
