I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
