Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
