I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
