today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
