wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As shirtless as possible
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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