No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
