I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
