Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Congratulations! We have a period
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