...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
