If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
