i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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