you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
