Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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