I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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