His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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