apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
