She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
