you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
