hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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