Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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