you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
