I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize