So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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