And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize