I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize