We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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