Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
