census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
