So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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