Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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