He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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