I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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