I could have mohawked her pubes.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
