The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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