how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have fence marks all over my body
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
